When I was young, I used to be
As fine a man as ever you'd see
'til the Prince of Wales, he said to me
Come and join the British army

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo
They're lookin' for monkeys up in the zoo
And since when have I had a face like you?
I'd join the British army

Sarah Comden baked a cake
It's all for poor old Slattery's sake
She threw meself into the lake
Pretendin' I was balmy

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo
I've made me mind up what to do
Now I'll work me ticket home to you
And *pfft* the British army

Sergeant Heeley went away
And his wife got in the family way
And the only words that she could say
Was blame the British army

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo
Me curse upon the Labour blue
That took me darlin' boy from me
To join the British army

Corporal Sheen's a turn o' the 'bout
Just give him a couple o' jars o' stout
He'll bake the enemy with his mouth
And save the British army

Too-ra loo-ra loo-ra loo
I've made me mind up what to do
Now I'll work me ticket home to you
And *pluck* the British army